Milford County Fair Speed Shitting Contest Tee (Runner Up Edition)
"Because coming in first meant losing your dignity entirely."
The Milford County Fair is known for three things: prize-winning gourds, questionable deep-fried butter, and the legendary annual Defecathlon. You trained all year. You carb-loaded on expired funnel cakes and questionable chili dogs. You gave it your all in the sprintestinal fortitude test of the century, but alas—you took home the silver.
Actually, in this case, you literally took the "Number Two" spot.
Commemorate your near-victory and terrifying intestinal velocity with this masterpiece from the Regrettable Threads collection. It takes a lot of guts (and a complete lack of shame) to compete at this level. Whether you are hitting the gym to establish dominance at the squat rack, heading to your annual gastroenterologist appointment, or just want to guarantee you get a whole row to yourself on a flight, this shirt delivers the bottom line.
The Details
Color: Authentic Turd Brown. We spared no expense on the color-matching process.
Design: Emblazoned with "Milford County Fair Speed Shitting Contest | Runner Up" in classic, nostalgic fair-style typography. Rendered in a bold Mustard Yellow for that perfect condiment-to-crap aesthetic.
Fit: Relaxed and roomy. Because the absolute last thing you want during a high-stakes bout of the runs is restrictive clothing.
Material: 100% heavy cotton. Highly absorbent, just in case of a false start or a fartastrophe.
Why You Need It
The Ultimate "Number Two" Pun: You are literally advertising your second-place finish in an explosive bowel-evacuation race. The jokes write themselves.
Built-in Crowd Control: Watch the seas part as people instinctively step back to give you a wide, sanitary berth at the grocery store.
Peak "Regrettable Threads" Energy: It is crass, it is highly specific, and it absolutely belongs nowhere near polite society.
You didn't win the gold, but you left it all on the bowl. Wear your silver medal with pride.
T-shirts are a dime a dozen, but this one stands out from the pack. It’s super soft, breathable, and has just the right amount of stretch. Need we say more?
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
"Because coming in first meant losing your dignity entirely."
The Milford County Fair is known for three things: prize-winning gourds, questionable deep-fried butter, and the legendary annual Defecathlon. You trained all year. You carb-loaded on expired funnel cakes and questionable chili dogs. You gave it your all in the sprintestinal fortitude test of the century, but alas—you took home the silver.
Actually, in this case, you literally took the "Number Two" spot.
Commemorate your near-victory and terrifying intestinal velocity with this masterpiece from the Regrettable Threads collection. It takes a lot of guts (and a complete lack of shame) to compete at this level. Whether you are hitting the gym to establish dominance at the squat rack, heading to your annual gastroenterologist appointment, or just want to guarantee you get a whole row to yourself on a flight, this shirt delivers the bottom line.
The Details
Color: Authentic Turd Brown. We spared no expense on the color-matching process.
Design: Emblazoned with "Milford County Fair Speed Shitting Contest | Runner Up" in classic, nostalgic fair-style typography. Rendered in a bold Mustard Yellow for that perfect condiment-to-crap aesthetic.
Fit: Relaxed and roomy. Because the absolute last thing you want during a high-stakes bout of the runs is restrictive clothing.
Material: 100% heavy cotton. Highly absorbent, just in case of a false start or a fartastrophe.
Why You Need It
The Ultimate "Number Two" Pun: You are literally advertising your second-place finish in an explosive bowel-evacuation race. The jokes write themselves.
Built-in Crowd Control: Watch the seas part as people instinctively step back to give you a wide, sanitary berth at the grocery store.
Peak "Regrettable Threads" Energy: It is crass, it is highly specific, and it absolutely belongs nowhere near polite society.
You didn't win the gold, but you left it all on the bowl. Wear your silver medal with pride.
T-shirts are a dime a dozen, but this one stands out from the pack. It’s super soft, breathable, and has just the right amount of stretch. Need we say more?
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
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