Tired of the endless debates over the First and Second Amendments? Skip the modern discourse and protect the only constitutional right that guarantees your guest bedroom remains free of musket-toting freeloaders.
Introducing the Third Amendment Auditor tee. Perfect for the citizen who is vigilant, historically pedantic, and deeply committed to keeping the Continental Army off their couch. Whether you are aggressively defending your futon from unauthorized militia deployments or just want to confuse people at the grocery store, this shirt is your ultimate barrack-blocker.
We’ve engineered this shirt for the modern constitu-shunner—someone who strictly shuns the unconstitutional quartering of troops. Wear it proud, film your local military base from a legally permissible distance, and proudly ensure that absolutely zero soldiers are currently eating your leftover pizza.
The Details
Color: Tactical Army Green. (We appreciate the irony of wearing military colors to aggressively avoid the military sleeping in your house.)
Design: Bold, black Constitutional Script right on the chest. Let them know you've read the Bill of Rights, but stopped paying attention around 1791.
Fit: Relaxed and breathable. Ideal for patrolling your property line or aggressively ignoring historical irrelevance.
Material: 100% Cotton. Soft enough to sleep in, but strictly for you and authorized, non-enlisted houseguests.
Why You Need It
Unrivaled Success Rate: Since wearing this shirt, 100% of our customers have successfully prevented the British Redcoats from commandeering their living rooms.
The Ultimate Conversation Starter: Watch as people squint, silently count to three in their heads, and then ask you what the Third Amendment actually is.
Stand up for your rights. Audit the audacity. Defend the guest room.
T-shirts are a dime a dozen, but this one stands out from the pack. It’s super soft, breathable, and has just the right amount of stretch. Need we say more?
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
"Give absolutely no quarter. Literally."
Tired of the endless debates over the First and Second Amendments? Skip the modern discourse and protect the only constitutional right that guarantees your guest bedroom remains free of musket-toting freeloaders.
Introducing the Third Amendment Auditor tee. Perfect for the citizen who is vigilant, historically pedantic, and deeply committed to keeping the Continental Army off their couch. Whether you are aggressively defending your futon from unauthorized militia deployments or just want to confuse people at the grocery store, this shirt is your ultimate barrack-blocker.
We’ve engineered this shirt for the modern constitu-shunner—someone who strictly shuns the unconstitutional quartering of troops. Wear it proud, film your local military base from a legally permissible distance, and proudly ensure that absolutely zero soldiers are currently eating your leftover pizza.
The Details
Color: Tactical Army Green. (We appreciate the irony of wearing military colors to aggressively avoid the military sleeping in your house.)
Design: Bold, black Constitutional Script right on the chest. Let them know you've read the Bill of Rights, but stopped paying attention around 1791.
Fit: Relaxed and breathable. Ideal for patrolling your property line or aggressively ignoring historical irrelevance.
Material: 100% Cotton. Soft enough to sleep in, but strictly for you and authorized, non-enlisted houseguests.
Why You Need It
Unrivaled Success Rate: Since wearing this shirt, 100% of our customers have successfully prevented the British Redcoats from commandeering their living rooms.
The Ultimate Conversation Starter: Watch as people squint, silently count to three in their heads, and then ask you what the Third Amendment actually is.
Stand up for your rights. Audit the audacity. Defend the guest room.
T-shirts are a dime a dozen, but this one stands out from the pack. It’s super soft, breathable, and has just the right amount of stretch. Need we say more?
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
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